Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
