I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
