ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
