U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
