Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
