whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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