so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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