Need sex. Gaining weight.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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