im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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