I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
