Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Terrible idea I love it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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