I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
