Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
