thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
