my mouth tastes like poor choices
I will die if light touches me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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