If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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