my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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