It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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