The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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