Will you blow on my dice?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
