I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
