If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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