Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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