shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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