He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
