hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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