So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just found a bag of teeth...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
