worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
