if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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