I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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