i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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