**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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