i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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