I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
