Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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