So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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