It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
