Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
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Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.