don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.