y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship