I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Your cock deserves a montage
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
