Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
