Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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