the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
