If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Alive.
So much puke
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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