Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
