i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize