no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Found your dick twin last night
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
