he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
