I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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