you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
