New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
