evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize