so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
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She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
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Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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