I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
