Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
