I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize