I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
