Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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